So last night my boyfriend (who I'm on break with) and I were talking last night, like we always do until 12:00. I completely forgot how but the topic of us being single and seeing other people came up.... (Note to self: bad thing if your in-love). I knew it was a jealous trick and to see if I really cared about him and if i would do anything but i didnt exactly pick that up until after we got off the phone....
Now i remember how it came about. We were arguing about who wore the pants in our relationship or atleast who did. All i know is that i'm a very dominate female and i got that from my mother. Its what i grew up with. So he asked me how could he prove to me that he ran everything and he was the one who wore the pants, funny! I told him I wanted him to go to a party and do what single guys do; the basic dancing, grinding, and kissing on some other girl in a dark corner while thier trying to have sex with thier clothes on. I told him he can do all this and tell me about it, and if i sit thier and take it then yes he runs it. If i dont he can just make me listen to him, right? Then he decided he wanted to change his mind...its interesting that came to him so suddenly (example #1). Then I told him if he decided he wanted to do that to me then...he interrupted....you would get revenge. (Unfortunately that has been a big thing for me. I try not to get mad these days, i get even. Thats not the way to go if your in a relationship; communication). I told him it wouldnt be anything like that. I would just make a fake date and put it on FACEBOOK. If i really wanted to be evil I would have told him to come to the movies the same day i had the "fake date" and show him that im having fun and enjoying myself. But im learning and I would never do such a thing now. He doesnt know but I would take it and i would soon enough get over it and move on.... But because he doesnt know that he said if he was to tell me something like that then I would take it serious and I would actually go on a date. Well he knows, or he thinks he knows, that i would do something like that (example #2). When it was all over and our argument was finish, it was time for me to get off; 12:02. He said it was time to hang up so he told me to say bye. I said bye and i sat there thinking he would hang up. A minute later he answers, "That's what I thought." That should have been a sign to let me know he was just playing. But i was mad, and I wasnt thinking straight. I blow it off and say whatever but he trys me again, "I thought you were going to hang up?" I said I will so he says again, "well hang up..." I yelled at him, "BYE!" -and hung up. He called back (example #3), "Why did you hang up on me?" "You told me to do it!" Everything was circling the drain from there. When he called back he could tell thier was something wrong with me. He said he would hear it in my voice. I tried so hard to change it and I tried so hard to cover myself but he knows me so well. It got quiet after i didnt tell him anything. My answer was always, "Im fine baby, there's nothing wrong." "I know your fine, I want to know whats wrong." "Nothing sweetie!" We stayed on the phone for 30-45 minutes in complete silence. We finally hung up the right way (not exactly, it lacked emotion). He texted me later that night apologizing for not saying anything the entire time (example #4), but i apologized for doing the same thing and being mad for no real reason (minus 1). He believes that I don't always have to prove a point to him. In all honesty I feel like I do to get my point across. Im competative and I must win so I go to extremes to do so. No one told me you dont have to do that with the ones you love and also the ones who love you more. Its not worth it. To hurt the ones who love you; no one should ever stoop that low. Now he thinks he cares for me to much because he calls back after I hang up on him. He feels like a little b*tch and I don't want that. Thats my man, and he should never feel like that; especially by my hand. I told him if he didnt care as much as he did, we wouldnt be together and we would forever bump heads (this is me explaining myself, minus 2). The last text message i got that night left me speechless and lost. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. Saturday, July 9 1:11am "I hate caring sometimes because sometimes theres things you want to say but you cant. I have to always be the one to reach out and fix things" ...So tell me why that sounds like, wants to be done with this relationship; with me?? I don't want that, i never wanted that, but if thats what he wants, what can I do? (minus 2). Its simple, i have to fix it now (minus 4). This goes against my diva hand book but it goes with my lovers hand book (responsiblkities to love are shared). So what do I say to him? All i know is that I have never seen a real couple function. I grew up hearing my parents late every night arguing, fussing, screaming and shouting at each other every night. Glass was being broken, things were being thrown across the room and thats what I was exposed to. How do real couples settle thier differences? They talk not scream. He knows that because that what his parents did but I don't know how it works. He has so much patients but now he's sick of it. I'm about to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me so far. Its my pain. I either change or I lose him forever (he doesn't know though).... Its time to make a change in my life. I have to learn how to be apart of a real relationship. Step 1.... EXHALE!
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